I get so jealous--lately of pregnant women, I just want to kick them and cry and I hate myself and whatever this is when I see them. I think my focus is there because we were really going to start trying in January, but I didn't feel up to it. I think your plan and my plan is good. Yesterday really fucked me up--we went to church and then to caucus and the caucus was a total mess and we had to stand outside in freezing rain for 2.5 hours and then in a inside for 2 hours...I almost collapsed. I was feeling faint and hungry and exhausted. Today I hurt all over. I just...when this stuff happens, I too think this may be the best worst thing that ever happened to me. This will teach me not to take all the negative shit in, to not surround myself with negative punishing people all the time (iv'e done a good deal of this and then tried to make them like me by making myself smaller--appealing huh?)..and it will teach me to not work like I used to with 4 careers out of one body, plus a family and a husband....but for now, I just feel scared and then sometimes like this is a good thing. When else have I ever cared for myself like this? Never, I think. I've been thinking back and I think I've had this since I was about 13. Whatever it is.